I know this is an odd question when it comes to grief, but sometimes when we are dealing with a painful issue, our decision making is not at its best. When we try to avoid heartache, sadness, and grief, we can make choices that can become detrimental to our well-being.
To avoid the heartache of the death of a loved one, sometimes people turn to ways to deaden, not think about, or even feel the pain. They may turn to alcohol, food, shopping sprees, or even sex. Some people may choose to work long hours or sleep as much as they can get away with. None of these actions help and can end up costing you more than you bargained for.
The reality is you have to face the fact you’ve lost someone very important to you. It’s more than acceptable to pamper ourselves in the beginning of the journey of grief. Yet if you do not want to make the journey harder than it has to be, you must find a way to make good decisions. This means building an inner circle of people you can trust to guide you through this difficult time. There is no shame in reaching out and accepting help in the early stages of grief. In time you will find yourself steadying and will once again take charge of your life.
There are a lot of things you can do to help yourself. Taking care of your physical needs is essential. Making a list of things that need to get done or accomplished is a great tool. Finding social outlets that give you companionship if you wish it, can help. Getting involved with activities when you’re ready is another thing to do. Being aware of and respecting your limitations at this time is important. If you are religious, finding time to be with our Lord can and will be a great comfort to you. Dusting off your Bible, seeking spiritual written works, or praying/talking/listening to our Lord is a good place to start.
As you begin to establish your new normal, people will have suggestions on how to manage your time, your loved ones and your belongings, etc. You must select what is right for you and what will work best in your situation. Once again using good judgment is important. People mean well, but they might not know what is best for you! They might make suggestions that could set back your healing progress. Relying on yourself and the ones you trust will be what determines what is best for you and what you truly need. Here is where that question: Will this help or hurt? can be asked. Once answered, you can move forward at your own time and pace.
Disclaimer: I am not professionally trained as a counselor. My hope is to share what I’ve learned in my journey of healing in order to ease someone else’s burden ‘
If you liked or found this article helpful, you might want to read the others about Grief. They are: What is it? / The Journey / Some of It’s Challenges / Its Stages Building Support / Holiday and Other Celebrations / Some of Its Problems / Anger and Guilt / Forgiveness and Mercy.
A special thanks to my mom MaryAnn, my son Jason, friends Lorenzo, Tessa, MarySue and Kathy, who are reading my works and guiding me to make them better for you the reader.
TJ's 