According to the web, the stages of Grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many of these are not helpful when we are dealing with the loss of a loved one. Also, there is no order to grief. Let’s take a look at them.
Denial is not healthy. Some people try to pretend that their loved one is away. Then one day without warning reality crashes in on them. By denying the fact they are no longer with us, we are only delaying the healing process.
Anger is a healthy emotion, but it is what we do with this emotion that will make a difference in how we handle the grief we are feeling or how it affects us. By acknowledging the anger we are feeling at the loss, we can begin to look for ways to help ourselves heal. It is when we take that anger out on the people around us that we have crossed a line. In the end, we will cause a bigger problem to deal with when our actions are inappropriate.
Bargaining is a waste of time. If someone is dying or has died, there is little we can do to change the outcome. If you believe in God, prayers are always a comfort and a refuge. If we are to survive and heal from the outcome, we must accept what is happening in our lives.
Depression can be detrimental to both our mental as well as our physical health. It is not something to be ignored or dismissed. There are many things we can do to help ourselves if we reach this state. The first step is to recognize and acknowledge what is happening in your life, then seek help.
Acceptance is the only one that is truly helpful in the healing process. But the question is what do we do after we acknowledge our loved one is gone. Let me make a few suggestions.
Acceptance is the first step. Facing the reality of our loss begins the healing process. In a way, it guides us to start the process of moving forward. We must allow ourselves time to grieve as we deal with the practicalities of the changes in our way of life.
For those of us who are religious, turning to God during this time can be of great help, seeking His word through His teachings. Find time to be quiet in His presence. If you are not a believer still finding quiet time to meditate can be helpful. Either way, select a peaceful place where you can be alone. Imagine a place that brings you comfort, a meadow, a body of water, or wherever. Allow your mind and body to rest. If you are religious invite God or Jesus to be with you.
Our emotions may change quickly from one moment to the next in the beginning. This is a time when what you are experiencing can easily get the better of you. Always remember to respect what you are feeling, but do your best not to allow your emotions to control you. You need to let them out, so you do not become overwhelmed by them. Find appropriate ways to express what you are feeling. When emotions are allowed to run wild, you end up damaging relationships which can leave you more frustrated with life. You can choose how much to tell people, doing it in a way that is beneficial to all. This can be done by talking or in written form. Experiment with both to find which one works best for you.
As you move forward you will begin to establish a new identity. This will not be easy, because people naturally avoid change. Take these changes one step at a time. Some methods will fit comfortably while others may take longer to adjust to. Give each new adjustment in your life a chance. Take courage. As you move forward, your emotions will stabilize. Many people want to heal immediately, but grief does not work that way. Give yourself permission to take as much time as you need to heal. Finding happiness and joyous times does not mean we are forgetting our loved ones who are no longer with us. Be patient, the journey for many may be long, but the trip is well worth it when we reach the other side.
Disclaimer: I am not professionally trained as a counselor. My hope is to share what I’ve learned in my journey of healing in order to ease someone else’s burden. I have a long list of other topics on Grief to write about. If there is something you’d like me to touch on, please let me know.
If you liked or found this article helpful, you might want to read the others about Grief. They are: What is it? The Journey / Some of Its Challenges / Building Support / Holiday and Other Celebrations / Some of Its Problems / Anger and Guilt / Forgiveness and Mercy / Will this help or hurt?.
A special thanks to my mom MaryAnn, my son Jason, friends Lorenzo, Tessa, MarySue and Kathy, who are reading my works and guiding me to make them better for you the reader.
TJ's 