According to the dictionary, grief is a deep sorrow at the loss we are experiencing. The reaction to grief will differ from person to person. Often there is no rhyme or reason for how grief will affect you. In dealing with grief there is no manual. There are several phases of grief, but it is a myth there is an order to them. But rejoice there is hope.
We have a right to feel what we feel. This loss is deep and has to have time to heal. Our emotions in the early stages of grief will be all over the place. At times we can feel like we are going crazy. One minute you are crying and the next you are laughing. This is very normal. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to experience these feelings. If we suppress these emotions, they will explode when we least expect it. By allowing them to flow, it will make the healing process so much easier to handle.
Another aspect of grief is that you not only have the initial loss, but there will be several secondary losses. You no longer have someone to help with chores, talk with, travel with or even a simple hug. They might have been the one paying the bills or doing the cooking. If you were a caregiver, you may find yourself struggling with the extra time on your hands after their passing. In the case of a beloved pet, the loss of a walking buddy, or just their simple companionship, especially during special moments can be hard to deal with.
Family members, friends, and even co-workers may not understand if you suddenly start crying or displaying other emotions. Here we must exercise some control. Be honest with the people around you. If you need space, excuse yourself from a group and find a quiet place to let your emotions out. If you can’t (like at your job), give yourself permission to grieve later in a place that is safe for you. And remember to keep that promise to yourself.
Healing takes time. For some people it might take a few months, others years. The healing process cannot be rushed. We have to be gentle with ourselves, kind and patient. We may take several positive steps forward, then suddenly find ourselves taking a few steps back. Again, this is normal. When this happens, take a few deep breaths, and know what is going on inside you will pass, allowing you to once again move forward.
The road can sometimes get very bumpy, causing us to become frustrated, short tempered to the point of becoming angry. When it does, we have to remember we do not have the right to take our emotions out on the people around us. We do not have to be an open book and tell the world all of our sorrows, but sharing a small portion of what is going on in your life can be helpful to those around you.
Know this level of grief will not last forever. With work and perseverance, we can find peace and joy at the end of our journey. There are many things you can do that can be helpful. Prayer can ease the pain you are in. Leaning into Our Lord can be a great comfort. Making an effort to be more aware and appreciative of God’s love for each of us, and the beauty He brings into our lives each day can lift your spirit. Find your Bible and dust it off. Read and mark those sections that speak to you and offers you comfort. There are many spiritual books available. Talking with a trusted friend, one who hears what you are saying and can advise what is best for you can be a great help. During these times we must take care of our physical self. Remember to drink fluids (water is the best), eat small regular meals, easy exercises (a walk outside for fresh air), and see you get enough rest. There are many support groups out there. You do not have to take this journey alone. Find one that suits you.
It has been said that Grief is the price we pay for Love. It has been several years since my husband has passed away. When I think back, I would not trade one minute of the love we shared for what I’ve endured after his death. I have traveled the journey of Grief and now am at peace.
Disclaimer: I am not professionally trained as a counselor. My hope is to share what I’ve learned in my journey of healing in order to ease someone else’s burden. I have a long list of other topics on Grief to write about. If there is something you’d like me to touch on, please let me know.
If you liked or found this article helpful, you might want to read the others about Grief. They are: The Journey / Some of Its Challenges / Its Stages / Building Support / Holiday and Other Celebrations / Some of Its Problems / Anger and Guilt / Forgiveness and Mercy / Will this help or hurt?.
A special thanks to my mom MaryAnn, my son Jason, and friends Lorenzo, Tessa, MarySue, and Kathy, who are reading my works and guiding me to make them better for you the reader.
TJ's 